What is this??

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HAHAH follow that!

All these Old White Comedians (and the BS of the month)

Have you noticed how all the old white comedians, and by old white comedians, I mean most of the male white comedians over the age of thirty-eight who aren't Zack Galaginrdljasdfasdfkis. That's how you spell it, right? Well, I've noticed that a lot of them seem to have the following formula:

1:Come out really excitable and make people laugh about how old you are but think to yourself that they're just applauding your good humor

2:Make a lot of jokes about how bad you're marriage is

3:Do really exaggerated voices so people "forget" your old age

4:More marriage jokes

5:Slip in a few comments about how you really do love your wife so she doesn't clamp her dentures on your face when you get back to your Holiday Inn

6:Leave and say to yourself "I've still got it"

Well, I think that's BS. And that's why I'm making old white comedians November's BS of the month. YAY for old people thinking they're funny. Well, I think we could make some comparisons of those people to republicans. And Stephen Colbert. See, republicans, (capitalism doesn't deserve capitalization) think that Stephen Colbert is supporting them comedically, when his whole platform is like a sarcastic attack on Whatshisname, umm... something O'Reilly. I think. Well, anyway, republicans think he's laughing at them, when really, he's laughing--ohh, wait, the other way around SCREW THIS what I mean is, no one actually finds old comedians funny. People find it funny when old people find themselves funny.

And that was the BS of the month.

iWorship

Okay white people. I was just blogsurfing on my new bored, and I found one called "let's make a new religion". That got me thinking. Yes, there are things that get me thinking. For example, I'm writing this as a picture I animated for a project that was due a week ago. Yeah.

But, back on "topic". We do need a new religion. Like all these other religions were made like fifty billion years ago, except Scientology, which is like, the lamest religion ever and yet is still the coolest thing since Zima and Star Wars. That cool. So I'm thinking, if we actually put some effort into a new religion, it could rival all the other religions within a decade. See, when new things happen in real life, other religions' leaders make random judgments about them based on what they did that morning. For example, when they decided that Catholics couldn't eat meat on Sundays, I'm sure that some Pope was just sick and tired of having to smell everyone's liver and tripe breath at mass. It's just not logical, like every Harry Potter book. But like Harry Potter, people still flock to it, no matter how badly thought out it is.

That's why I'm making my own.

Well I'll start with marriage, because that's what my last article was about. People in my religion won't be allowed. Honestly, I think most marriages are made to be broken, like paper chans. Only, instead of paper the chains are made of gold bands. I think, if I keep writing out all the specifics of this religion, it will take hours and thousands of words, so I'm just going to make this a regular "column" on my blog. As well as my "BS of the month" articles.

Text boxes

What will you enter into these text boxes?

the choice is yours

What did the whale say?

I don't know if anyone's heard, or just generally who I'm talking to, but the band Said the Whale just finished it's tour of Vancouver schools today. I had borrowed a friend's camera, and I filmed the whole thing. It was pretty good, even though the amps were all pointed at one spot, and the drummer had an empty guitar case instead of a bass drum. And halfway through the show, or more towards the end (my sense of time sucks) they asked if anyone was filming and I got to go get a much better, higher spot. You know, I think I'll just post the video, if I can figure out how. Or if you even can.

But, taking this another way, it was pretty inspiring. Like, the songs were really simple to play. I'm gonna go home and try to write some songs like that, simpler. Like a deep fried lemming pizza.

Mmm, lemmings.
You know, I have to try these lemming guitar picks that I just thought of and most definitely don't exist. They WOULD work. Yes.

Just go and like their Facebook page. Be a good person. And there's something with the Peak Performance Project, but I kinda forgot. Just Google it, and vote for Said the Whale.

But What Did the Whale Say?

Deep fryer

THE FOLLOWING IS BS:

Everything.

Now, on topic. I like topical anesthetic. But I'd rather have a deep fryer.

If I had a millio--um, a deep fryer, I would deep fry EVERYTHING. AT THE SAME TIME.

Like, I mean everything. Bananas, yogurt, ice cream, matches, gasoline, rocks, rabbits, deep fryers, battered chicken, chicks, and batteries.

De-e-a-licious.

New Blog

Hello, white people with computers or other people without jobs or relationships.
This is my new blog.


Nice, isn't it?


I know. I love it too.
The purpose of this blog is passing time. I need to pass my time, you need to pass yours.

Please pass the time.

On my site.
Hopefully, residue of your time will stay on this site, so I can scrape it together and feed it to the Grayscale Penguins, my band. I'll link this site to theirs as soon as it's up.

Let's talk about my band:
We just got a drummer. Or rather, a drum kit. Our drum person isn't quite good enough to be called a "drummer".

Oh, and by the way, you can search "Grayscale Penguins" on Twitter or Facebook and get our pages. Please like and follow them!

We just found out about a competition that looks pretty sweet, BC's best band competition. We're hoping to win, because the prize is so sexy, I just can't stand it. Ohh. Okay. You get three thousand dollars cash, a five hundred dollar gift certificate to tom lee music, a guitar and a lot of other stuff that I can't qui--okay, stop with the bold. Seriously, it's just too much. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhoowdoyouturnthisoff? Oh. YES! I TURNED IT OFF! OH, MY GOD, NOW I'M STUCK ON CAPS lock. Okay. A more subdued reaction. That's better. I'll end this post now, before I screw something else up.

Thank you.
That was BS.

Goodbye.